She says.....Blackout, Sandstorm and GummyBear

Scene: 830pm, sandstorm raging outside, bedroom cinema lit by lamps, The Blacklist screening on the bedroom wall, she with craft in hand, he winding down from a busy week, grateful for an evening at home. 

Power black out. 

They redress and traipse down to flick the 15 different knobs to activate the generator...but notice on route that the building electricity is still on. 

Returning to apartment they discover their own electricity has run out. Frustration at each other simmers, for not noticing the meter was low. With flash-lit heads, they return to the bedroom to hunt down the spare power voucher. 20mins later, they have not found the safe place it had been stored. 

Emergency call to a friend revealed that they could purchase a voucher 24/7 from a company 10mins away. 

Attempt #1

Meter # recorded on paper, they redress appropriately, by flashlight, and brave the sandstorm. Feeling slightly happy that the power office is next to an icecream store, they began to consider the flavour options. On arrival at the office, after avoiding multiple collisions with vehicles, people and donkeys, she is asked for the meter #. Neither she, nor he had brought it. 

Storming out of the office, they return home by car, with decreasing visibility. Gate unlocked, two flights of stairs, empty water bottles grabbed for exchange, meter # obtained, they depart once again for the power office.

Attempt #2 

On arrival at the office, all vehicles, animals and people intact, she joins the queue with the other 20 people purchasing power in a sandstorm on the last night of the working week(!). The attendant informs her that the meter # is a digit short. She begs said-attendant to try all other numbers before and after but the attendant refuses. She storms out to the car, she makes him return to a different counter to try another number. The attendant is suitably helpful, but to avail. 

They return home in loud silence. Correct meter # recorded, they return to the car, wishing they were driving a tank to brave the sandstorm and traffic. 

Attempt #3

Following another loud, silent drive, she enters the office and stands politely in line behind a man being served. Enter woman (hereafter known as GummyBear) from her left, moving as rapidly as locals only do when driving, and moves in front of her. She exclaims (loudly) in Siberian that GummyBear, as lovely as she is, needs to wait her turn. Ignoring the advice, GummyBear pushes the man being served out of the way, shoved her iPhone, $ and meter # on the counter. The man being served collects his things and leaves. She repeats her indignant exclamation and the attendant agrees and ignores GummyBear. GummyBear is in front of the 10cm X 10cm window and the attendant can't hear her saying the meter #, so she asks GummyBear to move. GummyBear moves 1cm to the left and then shoves her with her hip! She yells again (politely) and GummyBear looks straight at her and grins a gummy, toothless smile. One of the few times in her life when she has wanted to slap a woman. She pushes GummyBear out of the window and re-submits the meter #. GummyBear immediately reclaims her territory. 

The attendant and his boss look suitably sympathetic, they yell at her through the barrier (because the window is stuffed full of GummyBear) and tell her she needs an extra 125 Siberian pounds to pay 5mths water rates too. Of course, she only has an extra 100 on her. 

Heavy footed stomping, holding back tears to the car, she requests more $ from him and tells him he'd best be prepared for violence in the office. As she turns around, the manager walks out of the building with the power and water tickets and thrusts them at her with an apology and instructions for how to enter the details. Trying to pay the remaining cost (approx AUD2), the manager insists it has been paid. 

On the third, loud, silent drive home, after conspicuously avoiding entering the icecream store, she sends her Mother an abbreviated version of the evening’s events. Mother suggests a glass of the precious red stuff that they have for an emergency occasion. She suggests she'd be more likely to whack the bottle over his head than drink it…..he says (in the light of a new day, in a powered-home), that would be a terrible waste of a good red.

She says...3 months and a numerical breakdown

He has written so eloquently, and honestly summarised our thoughts and emotional state at the end of our first 3 months in Siberia. We're happy to be here. We're still hopeful that we can have a positive impact in an incredibly difficult and frustrating place.

We're acclimatising, but I continue to be told often that we're so lucky that it hasn't been hot yet - in context, it has hit 44C and is usually 39-42C each day, and 30-35C overnight. #notlookingforwardtosummer 

Our apartment feels like home. 

We're making friends, slowly. I'm uncomfortable in the unemployed-expatriate-wife-but-not-a-mother role, partly because I haven't met another here yet, but I'm persevering with the stay-at-home-expatriate-wife-and-mother group. Everyone should meet for 3 hours a week to make craft to sell at an annual bazaar and raise money for charity!

We've learned that Siberian ants don't eat honey or sugar, but LOVE home-made bread. 

We sleep to the sound of a fan, an air conditioner, our mosquito net flapping and small geckos chirping with delight at being near our air conditioners. We awake to the prayer call sometimes, but more often to an unintelligible man screaming into a megaphone as he drives by trying to sell something from his cart at 6:30am.

We've learned to be careful to avoid including the bedroom air-conditioner-remote in the washing machine. 

We speak of 'kissing' in terms of cars, SUVs, trucks, motorbikes and rickshaws colliding when there are 8-10 possible routes at an intersection that would have only 3 in Australia. I might have heard Him mutter "so, you want to kiss ME?" to a rickshaw when driving.

We're growing a lot in our young marriage and He nailed it when talking of our shift from independence to interdependence being the most significant change. This has been particularly difficult for me with my fiercely independent and stubborn nature (yes, I can hear you snorting and giggling).

I've come to feel like everything changes regularly and little is permanent; I am so incredibly thankful for the Big Man's word and faithfulness which never changes. A little numerical breakdown demonstrates the difficulty I've been facing in coming to terms with the permanency of marriage and expecting to live somewhere for at least the next 3 years. 

In the past 5 years I have: 

• moved home 5 times between the Middle East, Siberia and Australia 
• lived with 3 families, 9 women, 3 men and 2 boys
• adopted 5 cats (1 since deceased, 4 now cared for by various people!)
• studied faith and language formally, relationships and faith informally
• been employed 6 times; Case Manager, English Teacher, Clinical Policy Reviewer, Research & Evaluation Analyst, International Health Coordinator
• been hospitalised 3 times, swallowed approximately 20,000 pills and received 50 injections
• welcomed 12 nieces/nephews to my world, with the 13th due in late May.
• grieved the loss of 3 dear grandparents

This week, I'll continue my Siberian lessons with my Nuclear Engineering/German-studying neighbour. I've only had one lesson so far and it was both depressing and encouraging....the grammar is mostly the same in the local dialect but vocabulary is incredibly different. I've learned 3 dialects previously and the vocab is different from all of these :S. Fortunately, locals understand me when I use other vocab, but I don't understand them....so perserveremustI.

I'll also work three days for the Dutch Consortium of Rehabilitation trying to draw an incredibly messy report into a readable and meaningful report, and prepare and interview for an almost dream job with the Federation of the Red Cross (on Tuesday for those who talk to the Big Man!). I'll make lots of bread in our wonderful bread maker, knit some and attend the craft group.

Now, if you've made it this far, congratulations. Write back to us! We miss you all and want to hear your news too - more than stalkbook updates and SMS (tho we appreciate those too!). Book in a Skype or FaceTime call with us - our weekend is Friday/Saturday which means we're nearly always available late afternoon/early evening your time on those days.

He says, "Three months in Siberia"

It's been a while since I last posted on this blog. The days have quickly merged into weeks and have become months. I wonder where the time has gone? 

Those who know me will know this is a common theme with my blogs. I start strongly but struggle to keep up the enthusiasm after a few posts. My mother would say it is a pattern. Life is full of such patterns, both pretty mosaics that we hang on our walls and those that we are less proud of. The key is to break the destructive patterns and to turn them into beautiful ones. If only it were that simple.

I digress...

It has been three months since we arrived in Siberia. I thought it would be good to give you the highlights, or in many cases the lowlights. If you're looking for good news and happy endings you might want to stop reading now and check your Facebook.

The situation out there has got worse. The number of people affected by conflict during the first three months of 2014 is estimated by the UN to be almost 250,000 people. This level of displacement is similar to that which caught the attention of the world's media ten years ago. However in 2014, there is no George Clooney and no world media headlines.

There is a clear trend that government is again using the armed militia to forcibly move the population into camps in order to free up natural resources and land for those tribal groups who have  either the right ethnic background or support the government.

Mum would say it is a pattern...

At the same time, the operational space for NGOs is non existent. We are being denied access to those who most need our help. Throw out any notions of impartiality, neutrality or any of those lovely documents written by Europeans in Geneva. They never made it the mail to Siberia. We work as an extension of government, we follow their rules and they control every aspect of our operations. Being pragmatic, the only reasons NGOs are still here is because there are donors who want to give us money. If you can't stomach that realty, the NGO world is not for you. The positive side of the donor / money equation is that we can actually help people, but I'd argue the impact of our interventions is limited because of the limitations placed on us by government.

Internally, my organisation is a bit like a dog's breakfast. There's mess everywhere.  I have spent most of the first three months extinguishing fires and trying to prevent new ones. I would like to tell you about all the impressive changes I have made to the organisation but, if I am honest, I think there has been very little progress.

However, every now and then I see something positive, like a colleague using a whiteboard to plan their work, or doing a work review with a subordinate and I smile. It makes me realise that people do watch how you work and that the best leadership is not done by words but by actions.  Still, the victories seem small compared to the challenges that lie ahead.

What about us?

Let's get back to my mother's mosaics. There are some old patterns re-appearing and some new ones being created.

I feel incredibly tired, both emotionally and physically. Maybe it is the constant heat or the ever increasing workload?  Probably a combination of the two. We went to a five-star hotel last weekend for a bit of a break. It was heavenly. But just one week later I feel exhausted again as does she. We are really looking forward to taking a break in Zimbabwe at the end of April.

I feel disconnected from family, friends and community. It is mostly my own doing. I simply don't have the emotional energy to try and explain everything that is happening to me, both internally and externally. Interactions on Skype, Viber and Facebook feel simplistic and stuck at surface level. I feel like our interactions have been reduced to the 140/160 characters of an SMS. How do I explain the situation here, or in a way that you can understand?

The hardest challenge has been the lack of a faith community. We don't have a faith community here and the connection with our faith community in Melbourne has been tenuous at best. We continue to be cautious in attending anything publicly here, because of the experiences of my predecessor and also our own issues that we faced earlier in the year.

Being married has seen the beginnings of a new pattern in my life, one of which I am very happy about. Our first year together has been a bit of learning curve, but one for which I am very grateful. She is a wonderful companion, friend and listener. We have both had to learn to lean on each other and to work together rather than trying to do things on our own. It's not easy when you've been single for the past 35 years!

'She' has had it much rougher than I. No job, lots of time on her hands and social restrictions that make it more difficult for her to be independent. I have seen her struggling to work through it and I have felt very powerless to do anything about it.

I fear that this entry has become rather negative. Perhaps I am just tired, or feeling particularly introspective tonight. I don't want to lose sight of the fact that our being here is a good thing, both personally and corporately.

I may feel stretched and pulled in every direction, but also see the personal growth that these experiences bring.

I know the skills and experiences that I have are needed by the organisation for which I work.

I know that despite all the difficulties we face as an organisation, that we can make a small difference in a larger situation that is beyond our knowing and control.

I know that our marriage is being built and strengthened by having to work together and to face issues which at times seem insurmountable or beyond our understanding.

I know that we are a piece of a much larger mosaic, a new pattern that is slowly being created, that will change everything, both now and in eternity.

She says...Thank you Habibi

My amazing, generous, loving husband brings me coffee in bed almost every single morning. That is all.